WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Wouldn’t you like to be a mind reader?  How great to look at someone’s expression and know exactly what is going on in their head?  At least, I think with a baby, it would.  Another adult, well, that could lead to all kinds of problems, but a baby – it would make life so much easier if only we knew.  Tyler looks like “mommy, what ARE you doing?” might be going through his head. Or maybe, he’s thinking, Ahhhh, I feel SO good.

IT’S SOOOO GOOD

You know those times that it’s just so good, you don’t care about anything else?  We have to have it, no matter the cost. Who cares when it’s that good?  Like that one glass of wine too many or the man we shouldn’t?  Some days, no matter if it’s your birthday or not, you just gotta throw caution to the wind and say…. Why not?  Tyler did.

 

HONOR

I had been home from work sick for a few days and was dealing with the guilt that my co workers had to work harder because of it.  The words in italics are what I call, divinely guided.  I can always tell the difference because my conscious thoughts are full of woulda, coulda, shoulda, but the inner wisdom/higher guidance ones are always comforting and loving.  They’re not hard on me like I am on myself.

9/4/08                         

You feel better today.  You took the time to give yourself what your body needed.  Your spirit followed suit.  It was refreshed with time out from your responsibilities. Being responsible is necessary, but looking at where that responsibility lies is another matter.  Too often we do not see beyond work and we loose site of ourselves.  We worry about the impact of our absence and we spend our weakened energy focused outside of ourselves.  We, means you, the collective human experience.  You loose sight of where the responsibility ultimately lies.  Of course you know the answer now.  The task is to learn it well and remember in times of illness or adversity that the responsibility lies within.  Without the time taken to repair and renew, the effects of your outward efforts are lessened.  Productivity and quality are lost and honor, above all, is lacking.  To nurture you as one worthy of ultimate care, free of guilt is honoring yourself.  The guilt arises only if we let it in as a response to others who place their honor and care above your own.  You alone are responsible for recognizing your need and paying homage to it.  Your need yesterday and today is to get physically well.  We are giving you the information to recognize the value of that above all else, for this is your true mission, this is the mission for all of humanity; to recognize their individual needs- those that honor their spirit and then caring for it with loving intention.

FACING ANOTHER DAY

Sometimes it just isn’t easy. Lexi looks like she was having a pretty bad morning. I know the feeling – sometimes  getting out of bed feels as bad as a root canal.

One of the worst, is having to get up and face a pile of bills?  Now here is something most of us have a legitimate gripe about. Whether we have money for them or not, parting with what we have can be so very painful.  How often do we scratch our heads at how much everything costs?  Or we wonder how we could have spent so much and on what? There doesn’t seem to be anything to show for it now?  Even worse, how do we stretch our money to go further than it can possibly can?  These are hard questions that hurt pretty bad when we have to face them.

Do you think that’s what whoever first said, “Another day, another dollar”, meant?  I think that if Lexi wasn’t just a year old in this picture, she might have been having one of those days.

GRANDMOTHER OF TWO

It’s been a little over three years since Lexi’s brother Tyler was born.  He’s 14 months younger than she.  I had no idea that I would experience the degree of love for them that I have. I’ve watched them make it through her jealousy after he was born, which didn’t last long at all, his colic – which did, the terrible two’s and now that he’s three and she’s four, they’re more like twins, even if a slight stretch of the Irish kind. 

For me, one of the best things is watching just how much they care about each other.  She said a few weeks ago, “ Tyler’s my best friend forever”.  He rushes to her rescue whenever he has the chance.  Even though he’s younger, he is showing a protective big brotherlyness.  She eats it up and lavishes him with her feminine ways.  It’s pretty common for her to show him what to do… and he does.  He was only a little over a year old when she took him on a pretend shopping spree through their house, while dutifully holding his hand as she dragged him around….and he went.  I don’t know how much he loved it, but he kept quiet. 

If he hears her cry, he rushes to her rescue and if another kid should lay a hand on her, they better watch out because it seems to raise his testosterone level to aggressive.  He likes to make things better, too. One night when they stayed overnight, she was acting like a little princess and wanted me to bring her juice, which was on the table 3 feet away,  over to her.  I was busy and wanted her to get it, which she stubbornly refused to do.  After several unfruitful back and forth volley’s of “no, you get it” and “no, you get it”, Tyler looked first at her, then at me and he got up and got it. 

This ringside seat is priceless and it gives their parents, me, their other grandparents and relatives, an endless supply of laughter, frustration, tears, joy,  discovery, surprise, anger, love, even more love and I pray, many, many more years to come.

LONGING

Have you ever wanted something so badly you could taste it?  It happens to me all the time. For example, food calls my name. Sometimes even, it yells JOYCE and doesn’t quiet down until I go and see what the heck it wants.  Too often we go because the calling is just too persistent.  The next time though, I’m going to think of my granddaughter’s disappointed little face, knowing she just wasn’t going to get that ice cream.  And maybe it will inspire me to walk away, just as she had to that day.  Even though what we want is often within our reach, we have to realize that sometimes, we just can’t have it.   

 Longing for something we can’t have is such a hard life lesson to learn.  It’s one of the first I realize, now that I’m looking at Alexa’s picture. Her face shows just how painful it is.  I’m sure I must have looked like her a few times myself.

 Hearing the Rolling Stones tell us “You can’t always get what you want”, doesn’t make it any easier.  But, as my cousin pointed out, We get what we need.”

PRESENT AND AWARE

Written 9/9/08

I have to preface my writing today, to explain that about 15 years ago, I had a revelation when I read an article about how important it is to create a space in our homes that makes us truly feel good being there. While I always enjoyed making my rooms look nice, I somehow realized at that time, that I had never thought about how I felt in those rooms. I was more concerned with my budget and how to get the look I wanted in the least expensive way possible. Not that it was wrong; I just gave no thought to how the space would make me feel when it was finished. So, with that article, I gave myself permission to make my bedroom into one where I felt comforted and safe. I bought linens that I could snuggle in to. I painted the room the palest lavender I could find and found that its softness made me feel soft inside. I felt so peaceful there. I always remembered that room and when I bought my very first house 6 years ago, I wanted my new space to make me feel great. On a limited budget, I did the best that I could, always keeping in mind, the goal of wanting to feel good being there. When I finished the inside, I concentrated on landscaping the yard. I wanted a backyard retreat that was private, peaceful and very beautiful. For 5 years, I planted and planted. I dug so many beds and filled them with shrubs, annuals and perennials. The once barren backyard now had trees, a brick patio and space divided into several garden rooms. Topping it off this year, was the purchase of a 10 x 13 rectangular market umbrella that made my patio feel like a completed and comfortable outdoor room. This summer was the first time that I stopped long enough to enjoy what I had created. And enjoy it, I did. This was the summer I found joy and peace without anything out of the ordinary happening in my life. In fact, a 3 year relationship ended at the beginning of the summer and I spent the summer solo. All by myself, I had the best summer ever, because it came from inside of me. So today, when I wrote, this was what my spirit had to say.

Your path is charted. The present moment is one grain of sand on the way to your destiny, which is to learn to live life fully. You read much about joy, which is in conjunction with your own quest and discovery. You have asked for joy and peace for many years and you have tasted it in its simplicity. It is not elusive, as you have learned. It is tied to being present and aware. Your surroundings have been important for you as a vehicle to experience this. This was not necessary, but for you it was important. You worked to create and you have taken the time to rest and enjoy. You got a glimpse of what God saw in working for 6 days and resting on the 7th. The glory of your creation was realized and the feelings that followed were truth. In its purest form, truth of the moment became apparent. The moment contained joy, not only from the beauty and the accomplishment, but from the experience of being with it. This union of thought, creation and the creator is an experience that produces profound joy. You are realizing the completeness, the total fulfillment of this. There was nothing lacking in those moments of recognition. It was complete. It was beautiful. It was full of spirit. It was a union to savor. Now that you have experienced it, you are free to duplicate it for yourself and others.

How do I relate this to others?

Write of your experiences, your dreams and of feeling the effects of your dreams. Each person’s dreams are special to them. What you bring is how you found the place inside where joy filled you and you tell how taking the time to be with the space you made for yourself, allowed you to be present and fully recognize the magnificence of your creation and experience. It was a union of presence within and without. It was full understanding. You allowed what was there to be one with your spirit.

When I sat quietly on the patio, under the umbrella, looking at the colors surrounding me, I noticed that the sound of the bird songs and the rustle of the wind through the leaves were so much clearer. I watched a hummingbird scare off a bee from my new honeysuckle vine. She chased the bee away and went back to drinking from the flower, but not before she turned around to make sure he wasn’t coming back. I saw what was in front of me with eyes that had never before taken the time to see. It was such an overpowering experience that I felt intense happiness, simply because I had immersed myself in nature with my senses exposed. I was not only seeing and hearing, but I was feeling, and I experienced that fully. I realized that I was totally at peace and joyful. I understood that those feelings resulted just from awareness. I didn’t have to do anything else. I was truly amazed and I am in awe, all over again, now writing and remembering. It makes me know that I can recreate those feelings any time I want. The cold weather might be a challenge though, but I’ll cross that bridge when it comes. For now, I’ll remember that I’m happy, just for reliving a moment past.

Thank you.

THE ESSENCE OF BEAUTY

Written 9/10/08                                   

As I sat in front of the mirror getting ready for work this morning, I noticed that the vertical lines above my upper lip were more pronounced.  It hit me hard since I had been under the misconception that I was looking younger than my age.   Since having a birthday less than a month ago, the unstoppable progression of age has been in my thoughts.  Of course I’d rather see the years tick by, than not, so I want to learn how to embrace it.  I wondered if my higher guidance might give me some insight, an alternative perception that would help me see beyond the lines and age spots and diminish them in my eyes.  I was very grateful to be given this insight when I wrote this morning.   

You ask about inner beauty and how to feel better as you age, as you see the effects of time on your body.  Beauty has no definition since it is defined by the observer.  It has no set form; it is different for each of us.  It transcends the physical and inner beauty is able to be defined by the feelings that result.  In its formless state, it sets the tone for relationships with self and others.  It is essence and its essence produces results that feel good.  Feeling good is a state to pursue and when it is found, it is one to keep.  One who is able to produce this state and affect self or others with it, has beauty within.  The beauty of spirit recognized.  It lives beyond the human body’s life.  It is timeless.  When you look at your wrinkles and the effects of age, understand that the beauty within must be recognized to promote feeling good.  An unwrinkled face produces elusive and fleeting moments that we call feeling good; however, they do not last.  Remember that inside is where the true beauty resides and it can be awakened by acknowledging its presence.

As a reread my guided writing, it is obvious that the words repeated throughout were ‘feeling good’.  That seems logical since my preoccupation with my aging face has been causing me to not feel so good.  Because thoughts produce feelings, I wanted to change my thoughts to those that would make me feel good.  I don’t want to feel old, or unattractive and I really do want to see beyond the external signs of aging.  I know that if I don’t, my inner dialogue will be anything but beautiful and I know that is sure to reflect how I am viewed; by myself and others..  I’d much rather be happy with myself and hope that other people see that in me too.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING KAREN

Written 11/25/08

It struck me recently just how significant it is that my daughter and I are sharing the journey of our lives. Although separate, we are together and the tie that binds is one that can’t be seen, only felt, if acknowledged. How I have taken for granted the one relationship that is always with me, part of the fiber of my being and the one that I pray will be with me until I am no more. It is wondrous and magnificent that such a bond exists. How is it possible to explain or define it? All the spoken “I love you’s” don’t even touch its depth. It is a wordless understanding that only comes with recognition of the power of this life long link. In our case, the bond has been only strengthened and not weakened by another sibling or parent for her or another child or husband for me. In its strength, we have allowed each other to live separately and grow individually but always with support and love. I am so thankful to not only have this wonderful relationship with my daughter, but to also have this awareness just two days before Thanksgiving. This has been the most profound relationship of my life and an honor to share it with my daughter Karen.

Divine wisdom:
There are no further words needed or emotions to express. It is a tribute of love from your heart which has opened to fully experience giving and receiving it. Let there be no doubt that the old fortress, the wall you built around your heart for protection is gone forever. Love is free to come and go and the warmth radiates through and from you with its entire splendor. That was what you saw in your grandson’s face, in his smile the other day. It was a mirror, reflecting back what you so easily now give and yes, it was amazing and inspiring to see.

Thank you.